I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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