when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
