This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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