I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
