Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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