Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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