They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
