I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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