Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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