I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
