Will you blow on my dice?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
