Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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