OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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My breasts were aching with rage.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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