my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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