So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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