I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
