I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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