Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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