I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
