wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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