At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize