you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
