I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
