soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
