Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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