im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
