Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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