I must be too annoying 4 u.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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