Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
