Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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