Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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