did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
