Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
