There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
