Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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