I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica