Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.