okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
