We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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