sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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