the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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