We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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