Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
