And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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