she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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