First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
