For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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