I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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