There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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