So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize