I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
