i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
