Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
