For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
