just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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