can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
