when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
