my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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