girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
