Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
