i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
