I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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