I think i peed on brittanys purse
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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