And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
