Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize