Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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